


At The Top of a Tower, With You

by palimpsessed



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Angst without plot, Canon Compliant, Carry On Tarot, Except that in this version Lucy can see and hear Simon, Gen, M/M, Maternal love, Mummers House, Mummers Tower, Other, POV First Person, POV Lucy Salisbury, Prophecy, Self-Reflection, Tarot, The Greatest Mage, The Tower - Freeform, The Veil, The Weeping Tower, The White Chapel, Visiting, Watford (Simon Snow), Watford Eighth Year, XVI. The Tower, major arcana - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25095856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palimpsessed/pseuds/palimpsessed
Summary: Based on the Tarot Major Arcana card XVI. The Tower.From somewhere in between the World of Mages and the Veil, Lucy Salisbury reflects on her fate and Simon's future during certain touchstone events of Carry On which take place in Watford's towers.
Relationships: Lucy Salisbury & Simon Snow, Natasha Grimm-Pitch & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, The Mage & Simon Snow, The Mage/Lucy Salisbury, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 12
Kudos: 22
Collections: Carry_On_Tarot_Collection





	At The Top of a Tower, With You

**Author's Note:**

> There are a few lines that are direct quotes from Carry On. I have italicized these in the text. The title is taken from Wayward Son.
> 
> Lucy doesn't seem to be able to see or hear Simon when she Visits, but for the sake of her narration here, I've changed that to make her an observer.
> 
> Taken from [Biddy Tarot](https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/major-arcana/tower/):
> 
> Tower Keywords
> 
> UPRIGHT: Sudden change, upheaval, chaos, revelation, awakening
> 
> REVERSED: Personal transformation, fear of change, averting disaster
> 
> As I understand it, the main difference between readings is that an upright Tower indicates changes made as a result of outside influences out of one's control and a reversed Tower indicates changes to one's personal beliefs. I think both are applicable to Lucy and Simon at different points in their journeys. I focused more on the idea of drastic changes and how we respond to them, regardless of the cause.

#### LUCY

Strange that it should end here, where it all started. Where _we_ started it all. Strange, but maybe fitting.

I wish I could have told you. I wish I could have made you hear.

I wish I could have made myself hear.

I don’t know what happens now. I guess none of us ever really do, do we?

What will become of us both?

Is there another place? Something or somewhere else? The Veil can’t find me, and now I won’t be able to find you.

I just want to hold on. Just a little longer. To have you in this way, even if it’s not at all.

I never got to have you.

I never got to tell you.

But then I hear it, before I fade.

_Love._

It gives me hope.

  


—

  


It was on the Autumn Equinox. I didn’t know the symbols. I didn’t know the spells. I didn’t really know what we were doing.

I don’t think Davy knew.

He thought he did. And I let his confidence fill me up. Let it buoy me.

Let it give me hope.

I didn’t think it would be wrong. I didn’t think we could be wrong if we were happy.

Were we wrong? Were we happy? Was I happy?

I never meant for this. I never meant for any of this.

I felt it come in then. The spell, the magic. I felt it come in and come together. I felt the pull, the gnaw, the need. We gave it to you, and now, you’ve given it all away.

The magic may go, Simon, but I’m afraid the need will stay.

That need never leaves.

I can still feel it. Even now, even here, in this place (where is this place), even though I’ve lost my tether.

I meant to stay to be with you. But you had to give me up, too.

  


—

  


_Love._

Love, he says, because he can speak and I cannot.

_Love._

Because he can hold you and I cannot.

  


—

  


I saw you. I watched you. I heard you.

It was another tower. A different tower.

(Why is it always a tower?)

 _Give him this_ , she said, because she could not.

And then she kissed you.

Because I could not.

  


—

  


Weeping.

A weeping tower.

That feels fitting, too.

Perhaps that's what becomes of us all, in the end. A monument to our grief.

There was a book, and a photo, and a flame.

Not like your flame, Simon.

Not your green fire.

_The Art of Burning._

Do you know why you burn?

  


—

  


Your fire's gone out.

But your ember won't die.

You're too full of life. Even now.

Once I thought you would have enough for both of us.

But you took too much.

 _We_ took too much.

And now it's gone.

And now I'm gone.

Maybe it's better this way, for you not to know.

Would it help you if you knew?

  


—

  


I knew.

I think I knew before you did.

I didn't know you very long, but I knew.

A mother always knows.

I was worried you wouldn't figure it out in time.

_**An Englishman's word is his bond.** _

Let it be true.

  


—

  


_You're the child we would have had anyway, Simon._

You're the child I wanted.

I still want you.

I still love you.

  


—

  


He holds your hands, because I cannot.

You give him everything you are, because you can.

Has it always been so easy for you?

How does a boy like you share so much of himself with the world that has burned him?

A rosebud grown in with all our thorns.

 _ **Up above the world so high**_ …

He gives you stars.

Because the two of you can.

  


—

  


_Let the greatest power of powers reign,_

_May it save us all._

  


—

  


It's too late for me. For you to save me. But I know you would have.

You'd give everything.

You have given everything.

We gave you nothing, and you gave us everything.

  


—

  


It's too late for me. For me to save myself.

I'd give you everything.

Not enough life in me to be properly dead.

  


—

  


Not enough.

Too much.

We're Goldilocks.

  


—

  


Maybe that's been the hardest lesson of them all, balance.

I think you're still learning it.

I don't know if I ever did.

Balance, but not black and white.

Grey.

No clean lines.

You're still good, Simon.

You're still more good than bad.

(I said it about Davy, but now I’m not sure.)

We're all just good and bad.

But you're still mostly good.

  


—

  


You were all that held me here.

You.

Your magic.

But now it's gone.

Now I'm gone, too.

  


—

  


A mage without magic.

A person with wings.

A boy with a tail.

A death without life.

What are any of us, in the end, but monsters?

Dragons and dark creatures and damnable things.

Maybe that's the lesson.

These monstrous things; they are being human.

They are being.

And I am not.

  


—

  


_Love_ , he says, because he can.

Because I cannot.

He holds you, because he can.

Because I cannot.

Will you give him stars?

  


**Author's Note:**

> I have a Simon Snow art blog on tumblr @[palimpsessed](https://palimpsessed.tumblr.com/). Come say hi to me.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] At the Top of a Tower, With You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28821708) by [palimpsessed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/palimpsessed/pseuds/palimpsessed)




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